How To Photograph A Puppy

Remove film from box and load camera

Remove film box from puppy's mouth and throw in trash

Remove puppy from trash and brush coffee grounds from muzzle

Choose a suitable background for photo

Mount camera on tripod and focus

Find puppy and take dirty sock from mouth

Place puppy in pre-focused spot and return to camera

Forget about spot and crawl after puppy on knees

Focus with one hand and fend off puppy with other hand

Get tissue and clean nose print from lens

Take flash cube from puppy's mouth and throw in trash

Put cat outside and put peroxide on the scratch on puppy's nose

Put magazines back on coffee table

Try to get puppy's attention by squeaking toy over your head

Replace your glasses and check camera for damage

Jump up in time to grab puppy by scruff of neck and say, "No, outside! No, outside!"

Call spouse to clean up mess

Fix a drink

Sit back in Lazy Boy with drink and resolve to teach puppy "sit" and "stay" the first thing in the morning.