Rules For Dogs

1. I will not play tug-of-war with Mom or Dad's underwear when they are on the toilet.

2. The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff.

3. I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table.

4. I will not roll my toys behind the fridge.

5. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur BEFORE entering the house.

6. I will not eat the cats' food, before or after they eat it.

7. I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of clean carpet in the house when I am about to throw up.

8. I will not throw up in the car.

9. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc.

10. "Kitty box crunchies" are not food.

11. I will not eat any more socks and then redeposit them in the backyard after processing.

12. The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.

13. I will not wake Mommy up by sticking my cold, wet nose up her bottom end.

14. I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them.

15. I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not the red ones, or my people will think I am hemorrhaging.

16. When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when it's raining outside.

17. We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark each time I hear one on TV.

18. I will not steal my Mom's underwear and dance all over the back yard with it.

19. The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are Mom and Dad's laps.

20. My head does not belong n the refrigerator.

21. I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Dad's driver's license and car registration.